Single, Taken or Engaged?

This post is a lighthearted one about a common theme I have noticed among Kenyan men and women. It first happened last week at a tea party, hosted by Dr. Amin and Dr. Mohamud, the founders of the Kenya Red Cross Bungoma Branch. The party was a chance for the international interns (us) to meet with Peace Corps volunteers and other "international" people who were living in Kenya. International=USA citizens. I have yet to meet anyone else from a different country. At the beginning of the party we all stood up, introduced ourseves and said what we liked and what we hated. Mark, the youth coordinator, stood up and said, "I'm single and ready to mingle!" Everyone chuckled and then began saying their relationship status. Now in the US this might come off as revealing too much information or calling attention to oneself. Not in Kenya.

Today, we went to Kibabi (Kee-bab-eee) University to give a dissemination presentation about the Kenya Red Cross and encourage the school's Red Cross club to get more involved and host their own events and activities. When we arrived, we were greeted by a large room of over 50 students eager to learn what the Red Cross does and how they can be apart of it. We started with introductions of everyone and sure enough, Mark asked everyone to say their relationship status. While most students stated the generic, "single, taken, or engaged" a few threw out that they "weren't married, but weren't single" and others said, "They were looking" and then scanned the room. I felt like it was a dating forum rather an a Red Cross information session! When the a few of my fellow Kenyan interns introduced themselves, two of them said they were engaged. I was shocked! I had been around these women for the past 2 weeks and heard NOTHING about them getting married! I leaned over to Ali and gave her a confused look. She responded, "It's not like America, they aren't REALLY engaged to be married." Confused as heck I approached Cynthia one of the interns after the forum.

"Cynthia? You're engaged?!" I inquired.
She laughed and said, "No of course not! But it's better to say that."

I asked why and she explained that guys leave you alone if you tell them you are engaged. I said but what if you tell them you have a boyfriend? The 3 interns shook their heads and me and said it didn't matter because a "boyfriend" was merely seen as a temporary thing and the guy would still try to date you. So they said that so no one approached them after the forum! Then they were curious about me. I told them I had a boyfriend and he was Kenyan. They about fell over and I knew what they were thinking: Dang she moved fast. I had to explain that I met him in the United States and that he lives there and has lived there for about 20 years. They all laughed and gave me a hard time because they thought I was dating someone from Bungoma in just a week and a half! A lot of the guys here tell me that they want a "mzungu girlfriend" and then today one of the interns, Shelia, told me she wanted a "mzungu boyfriend." We told her to come to the states and she could have her pick.

It is really funny to hear how people discuss relationships and dating here. For example, last week Alyssa was able to go to her assigned school to do peer education with the other interns. At the end of the session, they asked if there were any questions. One girl raised her hand and asked, "Is it bad to have a boyfriend?" Of course the room erupted with laughter and Alyssa explained that they would discuss it next week with the theme "Romantic Relationships and Dating." When she told me about it, I of course laughed too and thought, "Well, that is a good question. It depends on a lot of factors."

It reminded me of elementary school when boys had "cooties" and you had "cooties" too if you touched them. Now, unfortunately, these "cooties" can be viewed as the HIV virus or other sexually transmitted diseases that are common in Bungoma. Except women have them too. Speaking to youth about empowerment and governence over themselves and their body will hopefully prevent them from getting into a relationship too soon and encourage them to speak up if they feel pressured to do certain things in a relationship. I'm also thinking Cynthia's idea is a valid one. If "being engaged" has authority over "being in a relationship" there are going to be a lot of "engaged" Bungomans.